2

2 years since we lost mom.

Nearly 2 years since Andon was born.

We are officially homeowners of our 2nd (and probably last) home.

July continues to be a roller coaster of emotions for me. I don't think that will ever change. This year was harder than the first year. I didn't have a baby to take care of so I found myself thinking of mom more often. What she missed, what she would do, what the kids were missing out on. It's been tough.

I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. I reconnected with old friends just months before we found out mom was sick. I truly believe that was to give me support and girlfriends since I was going to lose my best girlfriend soon. I have an amazing group of friends that I am blessed to be a part of. Unbelievably supportive in all my endeavors, just as mom was.

I also believe I got pregnant with Andon at the time I did for a specific reason. Mark won't like this, but I truly believe God had this planned out perfectly to give me something to hold onto and nurture at a time when I was hurting the most. It gave me an "escape" from the pain for a little while since I had a baby and a little girl to take care of. A little girl who to this day misses Nana and loves her.

Buying this house was a long, frustrating process. But closing on it and receiving our keys on July 16th has to be for a purpose as well. I need something to focus on and a place to grow as a mom and individual. It turns July 17th into, not a happy day, but a day with a positive outcome. We worked on the house today to prepare it for our move. I think about mom in nearly every move I make. She would love this house, but hate the backyard fence because it isn't private enough. That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the yard. But she would have been as excited as the rest of us and pitched in to get it ready.

July is always going to be tough. But it ends on the 31st and, this year, with Andon turning 2. I'll always ask myself what would mom do throughout the year. But in July I will treasure her memory and keep pushing forward because I know that is how she would want it.

A year

It's hard to believe mom has been gone for a year. It's still just so hard to fathom. I never imagined her not being here. She has missed out on Andon's birth and first year. I surely could have used her advice and help over the past few months. She missed Sierra turning 5 and learning to swim. Mom was looking forward to seeing Sierra off to her first day of Kindergarten so that day will be doubly sad for me.

Thanks for always being supportive and showing me how to be a great mom. My kids are blessed to have had you for a nana, if only for a little while. I love you.